The Happiness of Mrs C

Written by Tom Being Tom

Mrs C lifted a glass bottle, motioned toward me, and said “It’s been hundreds of months since I could truly say I’m happy like I can now.”

And it’s not because she has a new car. She does, by the way. 16 years after she bought her first-ever new car – a black 2004 Honda Civic EX Sedan – she bought her second-ever new car – a black 2020 Honda Civic EX Sedan. Don’t laugh; Tom benefits greatly from the idea that Mrs C has a consistency in her partialities. And, to be honest, she didn’t even really want a new car. I wanted one for her. “But you’ve only had the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One for three years,” she said, “You deserve the next new car!”

No, Mrs C. It’s your turn.

I want her in something newer, more reliable. Truth be told I wanted the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One for her, too. I figured I’d drive it a bit, she’d see all the new gadgets and features of newer cars, she’d get imperial-army envy, and she’d drive the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One for 15 years. Nope. She likes small, supery-maneuverable autos, like the 2004 Honda Civic EX Sedan she was used to.

Fine.

The Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One goes back to the dealer at the end of the lease, in two weeks or sooner. We bought the 2020 Honda Civic EX Sedan on Wednesday. This is Saturday. In three days, Mrs C has driven the 2004 Honda Civic EX Sedan 5 times and the 2020 Honda Civic EX Sedan a total of none. Change is hard.

She loves the new car. I am fully confident that in the coming days, weeks and decades she’ll get used to it, it will not intimidate her, and I will finally have my dream car – a 2004 Honda Civic EX Sedan with 145,000 miles on it and a hella bumpin’ stereo. Kidding, not my dream car. But I am inheriting it once she gets her gumptions up about the new one. Take your time, Mrs C. Take your time.

What’s that? Yes, I could buy the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One from the dealer instead of turning it back in, and yes we could afford a second new(er) car if we really wanted one. But why? In 36 months I put a total of 15,000 miles on the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One. What?! Yes. I don’t drive that much. We don’t drive that much. We love home. A lot. So, the only reason to ever have two car payments is to decorate the garage. It does look pretty, by the way, having two new cars in the garage. But is it $700/month pretty? It’s barely $350/month pretty, to be honest, but I like to have at least one set of supery-reliable wheels. And I do like that new rubber smell in there.

But I don’t need two new cars. One will do just fine. And it’s for Mrs C.

But that isn’t why Mrs C raised her glass to me and told me she was, finally, happy. And it’s not because we are finally a bazillion dollars ahead in our finances, or that we just got further ahead by refinancing the greatest house on earth (saving $500/month, or about 1 ½ new car payments). She doesn’t pay attention to our finances. Never has. I handle all the money because she doesn’t want to be bothered, which I’m good with. I’m a numbers guy. Some mornings I’ll spend an hour, hour-and-a-half perfecting my nearly perfect budget spreadsheet (again) because it’s fun. And you all thought I was just a geeky wordsmith. I’m also a geeky math guy. Von Wowern would call me a polymath. I’d call him “Yo.”

No, the reason Mrs C is so happy these days is because she has been, this month, one year at the bank. Mrs C has been in jewelry sales, warehouse, casino, motorcycle sales, appliance sales, electronic sales, furniture sales, sales management and even, briefly, worked in a bookstore. Except for that summer at the college bookstore and the warehouse work – and maybe the casino for a while – she’s hated every single job. Hate is such a strong word, but I’m gonna use it, because she has hated every single job. Not the job itself, I should say, but the people and the ridiculous pressure. If you’ve ever worked retail sales for a corporate entity you know what I mean:

“Mrs C, you just broke 7 different company records for sales in a quarter! However, the 8th category we rate every salesperson on was mediocre, so your entire quarter was crap. No raise. In fact, you’re lucky we don’t dock you pay for failing to be as outstanding in 12.5% of your job as you are in the other 87.5%. Also, we believe you practice witchcraft.”

Don’t laugh. The last place she worked actually believed she practiced witchcraft. She likes the color black, they said. Wears crystals. Doesn’t believe in God. And all the customers really, really like her so she must be casting charm spells on them. This. Came. Up.

She even considered retaliatory litigation, to be honest.

But she let that water flow under the bridge when she got her new job, a year ago this week. At a bank, but not a branch. Working in the hub, with numbers, in finance stuff with computers, amidst a group of extremely friendly people who all scream “Mrs C!” when she walks in a room, like Norm on Cheers. It turns out she’s really good with numbers, too, as well as being good with people, an incredible cook, smart as a whip, honest to a fault, and extraordinarily beautiful. During the Renaissance they would have called her a polymath. In the Medieval days she would have been considered a witch.

“Fuck ‘em,” she would have said.

“I’m happy now.” 🖕🍻

40 thoughts on “The Happiness of Mrs C”

  3. We all have some version of the tricked out Oscar Meyer Weinermobile that we secretly desire, but sooner or later, the ever-reliable Civic will have us singing its praises for the sheer lack of repairs it requires. I know this from experience. And I raise a glass to Mrs. C’s raised glass!

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  4. I suspect soon she’ll wanna take over your home finances and discover your offshore accounts. What ya gonna do then?

    I’ve written software for banks. Most soul-crushing job ever. Folks think software is somehow sexy — mobile apps & games, cool websites, embedded control, IoT, RPA, blah, blah, blah. Most software is dull as cement, banking being the worst of it. SOX and MiFID and pay homage to the bean counters, yuck! If Mrs. C can find solace amongst those folks, more power to her.

    They let you LEASE a StarWars themed vehicle? What were they thinking? What kind of after market is there for such a thing? (Hopefully more than a Ghostbusters themed Gremlin.)

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    1. LOL! Yeah, they’ll have to cut me a hell of a deal — I mean a HELL of a deal — to talk me into keeping this in my garage. Won’t happen. And did I tell you I got ten free oil changes because the first time I took it in they fucked up the driver’s side (the WHOLE driver’s side) and had to put it in the body shop to fix it? They were SO sorry they screwed up my new, new car! I said “you actually screwed up your new, new car since I’m just borrowing it.” 🤣

      As for that first paragraph … can I stash some money at your place for a while?

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  6. Awesome car. And I feel her pain–I worked for years with some really awful people, but the team I have now is just the best. Sometimes you have to pull a lot of weeds to find the flowers:-)

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    1. Yes we do! Yeah, and she ain’t done. First thing, she said, is amps and a base. I think she mentioned something called “sport pedals”. Tinting is coming. I wonder if she’ll do them really cool flames that used to be all the rage back in the day? 🔥😏

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  9. Good for the both of you! Was intrigued reading about Mrs. C’s work experiences and the whole witch thing. Seriously?! If anything maybe she has a goth-like fashion style, but that assumption just blows my mind. On the transportation front, I could see the both of you clad in leather chaps, rolling down the Pacific Coast Highway on a Fat Boy on a glorious sun-splashed afternoon.

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    1. Haha! That WOULD be a sight … maybe some day! As for the witch-hunters, the store manager is a cult-religion zealot who believes we are in end times. When they started opening Sundays he had the audacity (and, I think, illegal gall) to tell Mrs C that she would be the one working the Sunday shift, “since everyone else (there) is Christian.”

      Oh, she is SO happy to be gone from there, forever. 😉

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  10. Have you considered giving lessons to other men on how to love their wives better? You seem to do it extraordinarily well! And both of you are so happy. That’s quite a deal, no matter what kind of black car it is 🙂 Bravo to you!

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  11. I loved reading this.
    I have always driven Beetles but they stopped making them.
    Sean fell in love his Mustang and wanted me in one too.
    It’s too big for me and I don’t super love it like I loved my Beetles but at least she’s a convertible!

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    1. Thank you, Jay! She truly is one my of my very favorite topics to write about. But, let me get this straight – because it’s really cool if true – are you saying that you’re a two-mustang family?! If so … details!

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  12. So no one’s noted the obvious which is that Mrs. C. doesn’t deal with the home finances, isn’t really a money person, but works for a bank. Then again being good with numbers is vastly different from being good with money, as I’m sure anyone who ever played poker with Einstein could attest.
    The important thing is she’s happy and she’s got a car that takes her from here to there, and what more does anyone really need from life?

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    1. Your reply reminds me of the time Data played poker with Stephen Hawking, Sir Isaac Newton, and (yes) Albert Einstein on TNG. Newton was a stiff, Einstein couldn’t do simple math, and Hawking stole the scene.

      Mrs C now drives the car each day, and the Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One was returned to the dealer yesterday with my compliments. It’s a strange and wonderful time to be alive, Christopher, a strange and wonderful time to be alive…

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  13. That’s awesome for Mrs. C! In preparation for our full time RV life, we just sold our Limited Edition Star Wars Nissan Rogue One to a young padawan who is in the middle of training at Jedi College.

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