Frivolous Things

My wife had a birthday. Business boomed. I got caught up on a (mostly frivolous) side project. We tore out the floor under the desk area at the office. My boss’ mom went into the hospital. I spent half a day babysitting the flooring guy in the boss’ stead on a Sunday. I spent a lot more time on the (mostly frivolous) side project. We got even busier at work. The sun came and drove me outside. The sun came and forced me to mow my ginormous back lawn every 3 days. Tops.

Side note: my back lawn is indeed ginormous but it’s not really a lawn. It’s just a big patch of competing weeds and, in April, the cold weather and warm weather weeds are trying to outgain the hot weather weeds before it’s too late. Consequently, I’m battling all of them continuously with a walk-behind to keep it low enough to see Marvel’s poop.

Other side note: I never saw “busier” coming. When the world shut down, “temporarily,” I figured I’d be twiddling my thumbs. But, no. Everyone’s off work, with money, using their appliances, doing projects, upgrading, and – on long, lonely afternoons – calling Tom with irrelevant questions.

Me (running to the phone, away from three sets of customers in three different parts of the store): “Appliances Direct, how can I help you?!”

Customer: “Oh! You’re open! Good! Are you essential? Haha!”

Me: “Yeah, right. Haha. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you guys very busy?”

Me (trying not to scream “wtf do you need?!”): “Extremely. How can I help?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just sitting around, watching daytime TV, flipping through a magazine, and I thought maybe when this is over I would think about redoing my kitchen. You guys sell appliances, right?”

Me (looking up at the store name while holding my index finger up to the now 4 sets of customers): “Yes.”

Customer: “Because my mother, god rest her, got new appliances in 1973 and it really dressed the whole place up. They were avocado green. Do you remember avocado green? Do you think they’ll ever bring back avocado green? There was another color back then, too. What was it? Like a gold. HARVEST gold! That’s what it was, harvest gold. Do you remember that one? What color did your mom have in her kitchen? Remember that god-awful vinyl they had back then? Oh! Hahahaha! Judge Judy just gave a tongue-lashing to this one girl. So funny. So, yeah, I was thinking my refrigerator runs too much and maybe next year, when things are back to normal, I’d think about replacing it. Do you have any fridges? Hello?”

In between customers, phone calls, mowings, trivial side projects, and babysitting gigs, I jump on social media for scant seconds. That’s amusing. Seems a whole segment of society that devoutly believes a woman has no right to choose what to do with her own body and routinely dismisses 25-year old sexual harassment claims now believes that none of us should be told what to do with our bodies during a crisis and is all-in with Tara Reade. I’m not surprised – partisanship breeds hypocrisy – but I am amused.

What’s that? My opinion?


Quickly, though, I have trivial matters to attend to (and a lawn to mow again).

I think it’s time to open everything up and get people out from in front of their televisions where they think they should call Tom. Really, the safety of millions is not worth the personal aggravation.

Joking, but I get the emotion. That’s what it boils down to, right? Contagion strikes. Thousands die. The only defense we have against it, so far, is social distancing. So, we shut down and the curve flattens and thousands live and the rush to the hospital slows. Medical personnel can suddenly handle the quieter surge. It’s awesome. It’s working. But it’s personally aggravating and the gubmint can’t tell me what to do unless I’m a pregnant woman. Quick, grab a gun let’s rush the capital!

Slow down. It’s working. It’s necessary. We’re all in this together. Open it up, sure, but very, very deliberately and with a good eye on the data. In the meantime, do WAY more to help common people through this. A good idea on that would be to transfer more money and benefits from really, really comfortable people to really, really struggling people so that everyone can be more comfortable through all of this. And when this is all over, keep doing that. That part is a good idea all the time.

What’s that?

Oh yeah, I believe her. I tend to believe her most of the time. These allegations cannot be entered into with anything other than distress. Probably nobody would level them frivolously. Best to err on the side of the victim first and sort it out from there. Should Joe Biden drop out over it? Sure. Joe should drop out at exactly the same time that Donald Trump steps down from the weight of his two dozen accusers. Fair’s fair. Brett K, you gotta go, too. A sleaze is a sleaze and we’ve decided, collectively it seems now, that sleazes have no place in politics.

Blue sleaze. Red sleaze. Old sleaze. Young sleaze. Y’all gotta go. We’re starting over with sleaze-free government.

By the way, the boss’ mom is out of the hospital and doing well at home at 90, with plenty of Courvoisier on hand.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

46 thoughts on “Frivolous Things

      1. My favorite part of all your posts, are your puppy pics, but in today’s post it was” Me (trying not to scream “wtf do you need?!”): “Extremely. How can I help?” followed by You guys sell appliances, right?”
        Me (looking up at the store name while holding my index finger up to the now 4 sets of customers): “Yes.” You are doing much better at keeping your cool than I am. In fact, I have had to send most of my calls to vm. and I have post 75% of my “friends” on facebook on a 30 day ignore.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh my! Yeah, I’m a pretty patient fella. I want to react “you’re a dumbass!” a lot, but I always take a breath and try to strike with reason instead.

        But the phones? Yeah, sometimes I just hang up and pretend we got disconnected later. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, B! Miss you! I’ve been kinda distant lately and I’m sorry. So freakin’ busy at work it reminds me of that month after the fire. No time to dawdle! I’ll catch up on your stuff and the stuff of the others … promise!

      And my customers … yeah. Bless their hearts, they’re lonely. I get it. I make fun but I love ’em. 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  1. The cure for Covid is brandy? I’ll drink to that. (Actually, if you were inhale it like a disinfectant… Get you high and sterilize your lungs at the same time. I’m down.)

    You have a good speaking voice? You should audition over on ‘Mudge’s Fifty Reunion. Can you do a Ryan Reynolds impression? Know any poop jokes?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I’m so far behind right now I’ll have to set aside an afternoon soon for the entire reunion … Paul’s doing good work over there!

      So far my Covid plan involves 6′ of distancing, beer, and Bailey’s. Working so far!

      Liked by 3 people

  2. My post tomorrow has a thing in it about lawn mowing but I put in a disclaimer so you’d know I wasn’t throwing shade at you😁. Also, I don’t know much about American politics but wouldn’t Biden have been thoroughly vetted before he was chosen for VP? Jeez, our PM can’t even wear fancy socks without the Cons losing their shit.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. LMAO! Can’t wait to read it. And don’t think I don’t know I missed the last one. My entire first paragraph was an apology to you. Time has been precious! Shouldn’t I have more time during a shutdown not less? Damn the essentiality!

      Did I invent a new word? Keeping it!

      As for Joe, it’s just like Donnie and Brett’s accusers. See, here in America we shame the fuck out of you if you dare to report a sexual abuse, so most don’t. At some point the stakes get too high, or the courage wells up over time, or (let’s be frank here) a book deal could really come in handy, and the victim takes their stand. I won’t hold them in any disdain whatsoever over it; what they went through and are going to go through now is serious enough.

      Did Joe do it? Maybe. Probably. Who knows. If so he should be held accountable. But, then, so should Donnie and Brett. My thing is, don’t just hold the people accountable across the aisle in your country, or you’re gonna end up like America. And ain’t nobody got time for that!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. No apologies necessary at all! It’s amazing how even with the extra time from the commute, I’m still so incredibly busy, as I know most people are. And when I’m not busy, I’m just mentally exhausted, so I can’t even imagine how you’re coping, having to go into work every day. Mowing the lawn must seem like therapy at this point:-)

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I have no problem with weeds in the yard as long as they are green. As far as the new sleaze on the block is concerned, would love to see how someone in a glass house throwing stones will work. Don’t condone it whatsoever, but old Joe still looks like a choirboy compare to you know who

    I think one of the most amazing things about the obama administration is 8 years and no scandals to speak of.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Right?! And I keep going back to that. If women come out after everybody, to make a name for themselves or attack a political opponent, how come they didn’t come after Obama? Because he ain’t that guy. He ain’t a sleaze. Vote no-sleaze.

      As for the bricks? They are a-flyin’. Those who have defended Donald Trump’s many transgressions are hurling through the glass the hardest, and calling others hypocrites for it. Hey kettle?

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I was lawn shamed by my neighbor this morning. I was on a walk and she called to me ” Hey! What are you going to do about your dandelions?” and I was caught off gaurd and said “ummm, much? Much ado?” and she was like “You need to do something” and since I was already talking in Shakespeare for some reason I was like ” I twill, I shall, twill be dealt with.” and that is literally the only interaction I have had with her in three years

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I might have left the Shakespeare in it’s bag and pulled out the W. Axl Rose, instead:

      “Why don’t you just … fuck off!”

      But, hey, we each deal with our transgressors in different ways. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

    1. What is the definition of a weed? A beautiful, natural plant growing where you don’t want it. I want it, everywhere.

      Except along the fence line and in the rocks out front. Those get the (natural, organic) weed-killer.


  5. I feel your lawn-height pain! I know it’s time to mow again when I can’t easily find the dog bombs and risk stepping on them. Just did my first mowing of the 2020 year yesterday, May Day; seemed appropriate.

    When I learned dandelion flowers are one of the few food sources for bees in early spring, I stopped attacking them. Well, at least until later in the year.

    Love seeing your pups 🙂

    As for the current culture surrounding sexual harassment claims, current and past, I’m reminded of the social media relationship status: it’s complicated. It always is, and always will be, never suited to sound bites, but that’s all we ever get, as your post perfectly points out.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, Rebecca, thank you! Yes, exactly, if I can’t find the poops then I gotta mow. I rented, and eventually, bought this house for THEM. I walked straight through the living room, past the fella showing the place to me, through the slider, and looked at the backyard I’d seen on satellite photos. It was perfect for them. I turned to the guy and said, “I’ll take it. Now show me the inside.”

      This is their yard. Their dog park. I’m gonna keep it groomed and cleared, for them. If that makes me the weird dog dude I’ll own it. A hundred times I’ll own it. 😊

      Bees love dandelions? Well, then, so do I. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. As long as the dogs are happy and the grass is mowed — all’s well that ends well? I dunno how any of this is going to end, but I have faith that it is. Interpret that how you may! I know you’re swamped, but I hope you get some time to stop and smell the roses and have a drink or two to unwind. Mona

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with you, but hey are they bringing avocado green appliances back?😄. Yikes! I worked retail, I can relate. It takes a lot of patience. The dogs look very pretty, a great breed.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Best to err on the side of the victim first and sort it out from there. Should Joe Biden drop out over it? Sure. Joe should drop out at exactly the same time that Donald Trump steps down from the weight of his two dozen accusers. Fair’s fair.”

    Absolutely. Well said, sir.

    Liked by 1 person

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