This is going to be one of those “quick updates on life” kind of posts. You know, the kind where, after I finish, I get to click several categories on the right because this one talks a little about a lot. Nothing life-altering or traumatic, just 5 days in the life of Tom. Ready?
You like it. I like it. It’s a great first topic. It is also a great first thing to indulge in after our last post here at TBT. As it happens, after posting about my entire life history with a hated rivalry, I had a party to go to. A beer party. Oktoberfest. Actually, truth be told, immediately after my last post I had to go to work. But, after that I went to the party. I ubered. Should that be capitalized? Hyphenated? Should one just say “I caught a ride”? Regardless, I got to the party and, because it started a few hours before I got off work, there were already about 50 happy drunken people to greet me. And they did. Some of those people I hadn’t seen in a while and it was so nice to catch up. I swear I was handed about 20 “samples” of unique beer before I ever got to the sample table. I got home on the early side, pretty smashed from beer and brats, and didn’t realize until the next morning that I took 0 pics. None. Nada. That ain’t like Tom, lemme tell ya. The only conclusion? I never stopped talking and listening. It was that kind of fun. You’ll have to take my word for it. My phone reveals nothing.
The morning after Oktoberfest I went back to the scene of the party and helped clean up. I also helped drink some of the leftover beer. I’m a giver like that. Some ten of us sat around after and talked about the party and made plans for the future. I have a very important pronouncement concerning that: I want to see more of them folks a lot. Last year the fires, then the home ownership thing falling into my lap, then the appliance business takeover possibility, then the new Marvel in my life all colluded to keep me from my peeps. I declare that era over. My peeps rock.
Then I got home and my Rams got skunked. I declared my season over. I declared the Rams a failed project and began searching for coaches and players the world over. Of all the teams to put the nail in the Ram coffin…
Have I mentioned that I hate the Niners?
Still, I persisted. After the tragedy – and a long weekend of beer – I sat down with Mrs C and came up with a plan. See, when she switched from mad-dash retail to desk-job banking, back in May, she decided that the best stay-fit plan was starvation. Exercise? No, we’re both wildly against that kind of thing. So, starvation seemed like a good plan. Only it wasn’t. Not only was it a recipe for bad health and bad disposition, it wasn’t actually working. We’re both a few pounds over our ideal weight, so we came up with a plan. Pretty simple, actually. Meat. Meat and vegetables. Not entirely carb-free, that would be very difficult for a beer drinker such as I, but a serious reduction in sugars and starches. And it’s already working. My scale said 182.2 yesterday which is about as low a thing as it’s said to me in a couple of years. My goal is 178 and I’m willing to bet you a Rams 1st-round draft pick that I’ll get there by the end of next week at this rate. We both notice differences. After three days. Meat, folks. Meat and vegetables. Who would have thought?
My boss uses Quickbooks for finances, and Uncle Gary comes in to help with that. He’s a brilliant man, and a genius with numbers and such. He also keeps up pretty well with stuff. So when he turned to the boss last week and said “Your computer running Quickbooks 2011 on Windows 7 is not only obsolete, it’s absolutely unsupported as of January 1st,” my boss panicked. So he went out and bought all new computers and gave me a command: install them, install them all. I’m the IT guy at my work, since I’ve fucked around enough with computers the last 30 years to have made all the mistakes, so I got busy. That was my Tuesday. And most of my Wednesday. While selling a good 20 or so appliances – and getting our stocking order done in frantic, free moments – I reconstituted our entire computer and POS system this week. We’re set, now. Until 2028.
On Tuesday, the Los Angeles Rams traded two 1st-round picks for arguably the best cornerback in the NFL, and traded away arguably the most inconsistent cornerback in the NFL, causing a firestorm of guffaws, cheers, and controversies throughout the league. I’m a happy Ram guy again. The nail has been removed from the coffin. This team will not rest on its laurels. I declare the season renewed.
Goliath and the Post Man
The only other two things of note this week are that the missus and I started watching “Goliath” on Prime and I am battling with my postal carrier. Well, not so much battling as disagreeing. Really, we haven’t spoke. But a few days ago I ordered a pole saw to tackle some trees in my yard and instead of a pole saw I got a slip of paper in my mailbox saying “too long!” Well, duh. I really didn’t expect my letter carrier to put a pole saw in my mailbox. That would be some Bullwinkle magic shit. So I went online and said “redeliver” and “leave at door” and expected that would clear it up. For shits and giggles I marked the same things on the little slip and put it back in the mailbox. Several days later no pole saw, no slip taken, and the online tracker says I already rescheduled and it is meant to be delivered, as I asked, three days ago. I’m thinking, unless my postal person has a DeLorean and 1.21 gigawatts in the van there is probably no way at this point they’re making that 3-day ago deadline. But since I can’t change my appointment online now, and they seem determined to still make that a go, I’ll have to march down to the post office today and claim my pole saw. How much you want to bet their system says “already delivered” or “currently on the truck for delivery on 10/14”? I just want to trim a tree, man.
Also, Billy McBride is my new hero. A well-written and formed dog-loving drunk with integrity on a show that shares a name with one of my favorite superheroes of all time? Yeah, that’s a win.
That’s all for this time, folks. Sorry I rambled on. 5 days can be a really long time in the life of Tom, particularly when he drinks beer, watches the Rams, starts a diet, works on a computer network, trades for a football savior, battles a post office, and finds a drunken TV hero.
Please stay tuned.
Lord only knows what the next 5 days will bring.