In The Light

Written by Tom Being Tom

When I woke up this morning I had every intention of reading a bit from the two wonderful tomes I’m working through, looking at some gaming stuff to be prepared for the night ahead, erasing the shitload of spam emails I tend to get overnight, reading the two or three emails that matter, balancing the checkbook (as I do daily), drinking some coffee, and maybe squeezing in 20 minutes of Madden before work.

Honestly, I did everything but the first one and the last one.

What happened to those?

A random thought, inescapable, that read – in my head – like this: “I should really write in my blog today!”

It’s been a couple of months so I went back to see what Tom was doing last. Well, he was dark. He was worn. He was facing a somber day. A celebration of life. In fact, as I scrolled further back, I realized that a lot of what I’d written in the past few months – more than half a year really – was about death.

It’s been a hard road.

Not to ask for pity, I know that the burdens I have carried have been carried by many, and some of you have walked my exact path. Some of you – I dare say most – have faced your own similar hurdles in times past. Losing people hurts. Letting go of people, of dreams, is hard.

A couple of weeks ago, believe it or not, I faced my lowest point. I can’t tell you why but I just had a week where getting up and going felt useless. The slightest thing made me angry or sad or resentful or helpless. Helplessness and resentment are not necessarily emotions I carry. I guess it was just time.

So, I did what Tom always does, I dove in. I let it all come. I took some time to myself, took some beers in my hand, sat and felt all the feels. Dammit, I was going to get through the door.

I did. I’m happy to say I did.

This was a tough path. You know. You’ve been there. Some of you, I know, fight these battles all the time, just barely keeping the darkness at bay, when you do so at all. Keep fighting. Reach out if you need. Reach in if you must. Keep heading for the light.

This last week there has been a burst of energy, a renewal if you will. A lightness of being I don’t know if I’ve felt in years. I recognize it. I cherish it. I wish, at times, I could put it in a bottle and take shots of it all day long, particularly when things are dire.

But we are human, you and I. We’ll climb, at times, and fall in others. That’s not just okay, it’s absolutely sublime. It’s perfect to be so imperfectly us.

When I opened this page I figured I’d write a little about classified documents, surprisingly effective octogenarian presidents, Bud Light, cutting my hand with a hedge trimmer, golden dogs, and the 88 days we still have to fill in before football, but I guess I had something else on my mind. Some closure to share. Oh well, next time.  

But, regardless, here’s my dogs:

See you all soon!

17 thoughts on “In The Light”

  1. Distraction is the key, I suspect.
    I recall exchanges with the Desert Curmudgeon on the Dear Mudge series where we came to that conclusion: become your own delusionist. Step away from the edge and gander at the grandeur. And what about this shiny new think over —> here?
    Seems I’m gauging my own age now, at the grayness in the muzzles of your dogs.

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    2. Man, Mole, you really nailed it there. We all create our own dramas, some good and some bad. A long time ago, somewhat unconsciously, I realized that if I’m going to be the author of my own story I might as well lean towards comedy over tragedy. It’s worked out okay so far. 😉

      Speaking of Mudge, is he still about? Have you talked to or heard from him lately?

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      1. I check in with him from time to time. Not sure what might trigger him to re-enter the blogging world, if anything. Maybe by mentioning his name we will have summoned his spirit…

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  2. There’s no mood so dark a batch of golden canine photos won’t cure it. I think it’s virtually impossible to see them and not smile. I’m glad you’ve come out on the other side of a bad time. We’ve all had them and struggled with the grief they bring. Give those beautiful therapeutic pooches an extra hug from me.
    ❤️

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    1. Consider it done, RG! They do provide us a spark of happiness in our most dour hour, for sure. Losing one, losing Moxie … that was hard on us. Hard on them. I’m grateful we got to face it together, all of us. ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much for being one of the kindest people ever, Suzanne! ❤️

      In your share there is the soul of truth — we are all the various goods and bads that make us whole. I tend to focus on the light, but that doesn’t mean the darkness isn’t there. If it weren’t I’d be one strange hombre! 🤠

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    1. All I want to do is provide them with a life they can enjoy. I want them free of the pain. I’ll take it. I’ll take it for them. They just need to smile and love their way through life. ❤️

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  5. Thank God for those who light the way when we can’t do it ourselves! Yes, our beautiful furry family members. Keep doing the work Tom! Good days and not so good ones. Eventually, you’ll have more good than not so good! Glad you reminded us that we’re all human and none of us are immune! Mona

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