Just got my 2^nd negative test in the last 48 hours, which means I’m a day early ditching the mask and declaring myself “contagion-free.” What does all that mean? I’ll explain.

Going by CDC guidelines (and who else ya gonna use for pandemic advice, some YouTuber?!), the 1^st five days after testing positive (or displaying symptoms) are the most important. Positive? Isolate. Take a load off. Play some Madden. Write a blog. File your nails. Deep dive into the history of 1960s Marvel Comics. Whatever. Just avoid humans. Really, is that hard? Come on. Each and every one of us wishes we could occasionally avoid humans sometimes, right?

So, isolate. 5 days. Stay away, don’t spread the thing. Easy.

The next five days are problematic. You are now free to interact in the world once again (already?!) but, here’s the catch: wear a high-quality mask when engaging with humanity. I sit next to a human at work, at my computer, so for the last few days I’ve had the mask on a lot. I also happen to be a salesman and, as you can imagine, a damn good one. Not one of those smarmy, self-absorbed, Trumpy Herb Tarlek types, but one of those who really assesses the needs of their transactional partners and provides adequate and expedient solutions. Really, I’m an Appliance Counselor. 😏

But as an appliance counselor and purveyor of exceptional goods, I have to talk to humans a lot. A lot. So, I’ve had many masked encounters the last few days. That’s okay, though. Spider-Man always wears a mask when encountering other humans, too. If it’s good enough for Pete then it’s good enough for me.

Say, maybe this week I’ve actually been an Appliance Superhero. A Masked Merchant. A Caped Clerk. A Power Peddler. How about the Vigilante Vendor!

Hm, I’m still working on all of that.

There is a caveat to the rules, a loophole if you will. If one were to test negative on the antibody test thingee twice – 48 hours apart – one may ditch the cowl and reveal their identity to the public once again!

(comic books in the 60s used a lot of exclamation points, sorry)

So, on Tuesday (my first day returning to work), I tested in the morning so that I would be free by Thanksgiving! I tested positive (sad face). Figured at that point I would just wait until Sunday, when my actual unmasking was due.

But, nah, I had nothing to do Thanksgiving morn (except Madden and deep Marvel dives) so I thought, let’s give it a go. Negative! So, I thought, one more on Saturday and I’m free to Tony Stark upon the world one day early!

(Tony Stark revealed his identity to the public at the end of the first Iron Man movie; hey, I’m grasping)

Today is Saturday, I had my 2^nd negative, and I’m mask free. Oops, I meant “mask free!”

The MIL appears fully recovered but Mrs C is still struggling with a nasty cough (otherwise, Covid-free after two negatives of her own … 48 hours apart, natch).

The moral of the story — and there is always one in any good yarn — is follow the guidelines and protect others. It’s easy. Wear a seatbelt when driving. Don’t drive drunk. Stop at red lights. Don’t shoot people. Isolate for five days when positive then wear a mask for five days after when associating with humanity (unless you test negative twice in any 48-hour period therein). Copy that. Paste it somewhere obvious. Do the right thing. Until it’s over (and it ain’t just yet) do the right thing.

Humanity is depending on you.

Be a hero.

‘Nuff Said.