Can’t Fit it in a Bottle

Written by Tom Being Tom

Where does the time go?

How do you get it back?

Last time I tossed black digital type onto empty white canvas I lamented the lack of writing in 22 days. Two months later I’m still breaking records. Tommy, can you hear me?

–

We lost a dear friend in his battle to cancer last month. He fought bravely for years against the onslaught of this hideous disease but in the end we all fall short. David walked my wife down the aisle at our renewal ceremony in Las Vegas in 2017. He threw Mrs C a surprise birthday party once on his birthday.

Rest in peace, David Smith. You were the best of us all and you will not be forgotten.

–

The store broke the monthly sales record recently established in September, you might remember, in November. That sentence stays as horribly wrought as it is; I’m out of practice and deserve that sort of misshapen cadence. Embrace it.

We have now had 5 consecutive months of $200,000 in sales or better. We had never previously done 2. Thank you, Obama.

I jest. It’s really the idea of Joe taking over that has propelled this economy. You know it. I know it. Don knows it. It drives his sycophants and lemmings mad to hear it, but they know it’s true.

I jest again. It’s Covid. It honestly is. My competitors struggle just as mightily as I to procure product – I have four pages of customer backorders stemming back to June – so it sends folks shopping everywhere to find anything. I found out early on that all I needed was anything to get the sale, so I started buying anything the manufacturers had. I may not have the exact appliance you want during this shortage but I definitely have the one that you need.

I should write slogans.

–

Covid-19 has killed nearly 300,000 Americans. It killed 3260 of them yesterday. I continue to be told by dumbasses without masks that 3000 American deaths is statistically unimportant. I remember a September day in 2001 when the death of 3000 Americans prompted endless wars on an entire faith. Covid-19 is more dangerous than terrorism. Last week it was more dangerous than heart disease. Last week it was more dangerous than anything.

Stay home if you can. Wear a mask if you go out. Think of others. Good god, what a world we’d have if we all just thought of others.

–

The next president of the United States is better at thinking of others than the current president of the United States, who leaves in 22 days. Whether he likes it or not. Whether he likes it or not Donald Trump is no longer the President of the United States of America. He lost by more than 7 million popular votes which is more than twice as many popular votes as he lost by last time. Maybe he’s just not that popular.

Whether you like it or not Joe Biden is the next President of the United States of America. Feels good to write those words. Feels good to leave Don behind. I won’t mention him again. I won’t have to.

–

The Rams play tonight, against the New England Patriots, in LA. The last time they faced the New England Patriots it was to lose the worst Super Bowl of all time. Certainly the most boring by all accounts. If you know anything about football at all you know that the Rams field a pretty good team this year, with great weapons, a stifling defense, and a remarkable special teams unit lead by the best punter in the game. You also know that the Rams go the way that Jared Goff goes. He’s our quarterback and when he is on his game he is nigh unto impossible to stop. Quick releases, pinpoint accuracy. The look of a star.

You also know that when Jared Goff is not on his game he is as bad as they come. Jittery eyes. Happy feet. Inaccurate passes. Turnovers. He’ll throw multiple interceptions in a row, cough up the ball mysteriously on the move. Good Jared Goff can kill you with 4 touchdowns a game. Bad Jared Goff can kill me with 4 turnovers a game. So when I tell you that everything tonight against the New England Patriots on our way to securing a division title and long playoff run depends on which Jared Goff shows up tonight it is not hyperbole. It is fact. As sure as Joe Biden is President everything hinges upon Jared Goff’s performance tonight.

If you know nothing about football none of that made any sense at all. I apologize. I really just wanted to find a way to use “nigh unto” in a sentence.

–

I’m back.

Tom’s back.

For how long, I do not know. When I type next, I cannot say. So, just in case this is my last entry until my next entry and just in case that happens to be 7 weeks or 22 days from now, I want to preemptively wish all who read this a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Delightful Festivus, Perfect Pastafarian Holiday, and overall Seasons Greetings. Stay warm. Stay safe. Be kind. Think of others. Maintain hope.

Maintain Hope. That could be my catchphrase. My mantra. My motto.

I should write slogans.

Now here’s what you came to see:

Moxie freshly groomed
Gray face!
Ham for the cam!
Another pic, pop?
Marvel spies deer in the field
Marvel’s first grooming!
Looking like a puppy again, in the right light
Can I have a pet deer?
Brothers Moxie and Ludo
What’d you say?
Is this gonna take long?
Marvel and the Avengers
Ludo helping with the chores
Ludo just being Ludo
Squirrel?
Ludo really, really being Ludo
I spy …
Guess what I have in my hand to get this look?
Simply the best dog ever

Bye for now. Love you all!

28 thoughts on “Can’t Fit it in a Bottle”

  2. Very sorry for the loss of your friend. Cancer is such an evil thing.
    As far as the King of Trumpistan is concerned, I shall quote Dan Rather’s tweet…. “Dude. You lost.” 😊
    There will be no civilized transfer of power, no gracious turning over the keys to the house…. but as long as he’s well and truly gone? I shall rejoice. Quietly, at home, until this awful virus has retreated into history.
    Please give those lovely pups a big ole hug from Maine. I’ve missed them.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. Perhaps now more than ever, our online associates have become more that just voices from the void. My own definition of “friend” is viciously strict, I consider only one other human being to be my “friend.” However, there are nuances of the word which I gladly attribute to those folks with whom I’ve connected on the net, you among that echelon.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Sincere condolences, Tom. Glad you’ve popped in, even for a little bit, and the puppy pics are always a treat–Atlas says Hi:-) I was happy to see that Time named Biden and Harris for Person of the Year–hope this bodes well for the future. Stay safe!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Hello Atlas! Bet you’re all kinds of spoiled right now! ❤️

      As for Joe and Kam, I’m hopeful of course. Even should they let me down as officeholders, however, they have already succeeded in doing the one thing we all needed from them most: they defeated Trump. That bodes very well for the future, all by its lonesome.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  9. Sincere condolences, Tom. Cancer is a terrible thing. There is some brightness in being able to say I just saw my oncologist for a checkup earlier this week and got an all-clear. Still time comes for us all and the best thing is to enjoy what we have while we have it.
    That’s a lesson Moxie, Marvel, and especially Ludo seem to have taken to heart.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. That’s exactly right, Chris! Ludo embraces life, and the material portions that he loves, with earnest. But make no mistake, Moxie (as you can tell) embraces his true love, too (food), and young Marvel is still finding his passion (currently it’s annoying Ludo by taking his ball from him). As for us, we have our passions as well (art/football) and our health. Here’s to those, my friend. 🥂

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  10. It’s been awhile brother. I hope you and yours are doing well. I’ve been scarce in the blogosphere while I was finishing up my novel. It’s finally finished and published so I am getting back to all my old haunts here. Did you fall asleep during the Super Bowl like I did? Hope to hear from ya!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It sure has been! We are doing just dandy, with business crazy busy and each of us smart and healthy amid the raging pandemic. Congrats on finishing that book!

      I never intended to be scarce around here (still don’t), it just sort of worked out that way. I tell myself that “next week” I’ll get back to regular reading/writing “as soon as things slow down.” Well … there’s always next week!

      Being a lifetime Tom Brady aficionado (I tend to root for his team when my team stumbles) I thoroughly enjoyed the game. But … you’d have to be a fan of the Bucs or Tom Brady to say that! 🤣

      Good looking out, Ari, I’ll be back soon!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
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