Lucky F*ck

Written by Tom Being Tom

In most alternate universes I’m filling the Rogue with a day’s change of clothes, a silly leprechaun suit, and beer for the hotel room. In most alternate universes this is the day of Leprechaun Crawl 2020.

This universe started with a shaky week. The stock market went wild. The contagion spread. Doubt crept in. I’m not one of those “I don’t really pay attention to the news” kind of guys; I pay attention. I’m a news junkie. I listen. I watch. I take it all in. As I do, I slowly decide what the next best course of action is. I’m a very deliberate person.

It doesn’t always look that way. In my Super Santa suit or green bowler – or when I’m around tequila – I seem whimsical, foolhardy, spontaneous. I haven’t been entirely spontaneous since … well, I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that and get back to you. For years, now, I consider all my options. Carefully.

This is the time to be careful. I mean, we are experiencing a global pandemic. I keep saying that and correcting myself. Doesn’t “pan-“ already mean “everywhere”? Saying “global pandemic” is like saying “hot water heater.” The “hot” part isn’t necessary because the heater part is denotative. As Gallagher once joked “why you gotta heat hot water”?

At any rate we are experiencing a pandemic. A global pandemic. It’s everywhere, and it’s all over the place.

Despite the pandemic, the market reactions, and the irrational run on toilet paper it was still my intention to go to Reno this weekend. All week I placed a number. Monday I was 90% likely. Tuesday and Wednesday it was 70% assured. Thursday I floated close to 50/50. By Friday morning I was out.

Several factors came into play.

The coronavirus, of course. I know that Reno is low on incidents thus far, but I also know that the Leprechaun Crawl pulls in some 3500 people from everywhere every year. Around the nation, as I watched, experts and politicians were cancelling events of over 1500, over 1000, over 250, and over 150 people. It is still safe to go outside, but if too many of us congregate too closely we may end up, you know, shutting down a country or so. That was a consideration.

But Reno has hand sanitizers everywhere. I’d simply walk around, not shake hands, and disinfect regularly until tequila takes over. Mrs C and I were both still in. Coronavirus be damned.

Then Reno cancelled the event.

That was a big determining factor. Well, if Reno isn’t going to participate, why should I? Nevertheless, they persisted. My friends, I mean. Damn the officiality, they were gonna go to Reno, wear their green shit, and party in bars, sanctioned or not. In fact, by Thursday, some friends were already there.

In the end I was grounded by the weather. By Thursday night it became pretty clear that the storm hitting Northern California was likely to make Bogard pass between Old Station and Susanville a wintry mess. Particularly on the way back. The last time I checked Bogard will be getting some 3-7 inches of snow right about my drive time. Mrs C was out. She absolutely abhors being in a car during snowfall. She has a PTSD about it.

In most alternate universes I am leaving for Reno right now. I am wearing my “Lucky Fuck” shirt and my back seat has 5 different green hats to choose from later. I am smiling. Tequila awaits.

But in this universe I chose the better part of valor. This time. Partly because of a plague, partly because of a shutdown, and mostly because of a storm. I’ll have a full rainy Saturday at home with my wife and boys. We have plenty of non-perishables and rolls of toilet paper. We have each other and we live in a great house in a great neighborhood with the best neighbors. A lot of my amusements do not require going out. I am uniquely qualified for a happy quarantine, should it come.

But this weekend is a choice. A deliberate one. I can’t wait to dust my office, organize my garage, and watch a superhero movie or three with my gal and golden pals. I’ll miss one wild night – and I love those – but in the end the truth is, either way … I am truly one lucky fuck.

May I never take that for granted. 🍻

 

46 thoughts on “Lucky F*ck”

  2. One thing that I did not anticipate was panic buying of dog food. I was running low so I went to the store late last night to get some dog food and the shelves were barren. Dog food? Is the disaster that big? I can only attribute this to the general public being even stupider in mass than I previously thought.

    Facebook and other social media is a very powerful tool for amplifying stupidity and i guess that is what is going on. There is the theory that two people together can be stupider than either one in isolation. I guess this expands to the millions to exponentially increase stupidity without bound. I wonder if early in the pandemic it may have been wise to shutdown Facebook and Twitter.

    OK, trying to engage my stupidest brain cells to understand the run on dog food:
    *It’s the end of the world and even though I may die, old Rover must go on.
    *It’s the end of the world and we may have to resort to eating dog food.
    *There is shit on that shelf over there! Quick! Grab it before someone else does!

    That’s as stupid as I can think, maybe instead of the pandemic, it is the padidiocy that will get us. Human may not be smart enough to survive this.

    Now, off to go admire my massive horde of sandwich size ziplock baggies. It’s the end of society, you know, and I may need these.

    Liked by 6 people

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    2. Even funnier is that when I started to learn that some supply chains may be broken during an advanced outbreak, I thought of two things I’d need to survive, say, 2 months of quarantine: contact lenses and dog food. Seriously, those were my first two thoughts. Beer didn’t even come into the equation yet.

      As fate would have it my repeat delivery of dog food was in my morning e-mail and I upped that number to 2, just in case. It won’t go to waste; why not hedge my bets? 😉

      As for the lenses, I have 3 pair and I change once a month. That should be enough. I really do hate to have to wear my glasses after 35 years of daily lens wear. I’ll order a box on Monday, again to hedge my bets.

      As for the beer?

      I really don’t have a plan for that yet. I don’t believe in much, but I do have faith that the beer thing will take care of itself. Like the rain god in Hitchhiker’s Guide who hates the rain, I’m a beer god and beer has a way of finding me.

      If not, I’ll have a hell of a blog to write about. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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    3. Just a few days ago I bought three two-pound boxes of macaroni for a special diet we have one of our dogs on and I was terrified people would see me and that I’d accidentally start people panic buying macaroni.
      Fortunately I pasta under the radar.

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  5. By this point I’d like to find a source of COVID-19. Get a hold of a vial, sniff the shit out of that bitch and roll the dice. I’ve got one hell of an immune system, they gave me the smallpox vaccine twice and I never got the scar as I was already naturally immune, so, bring it on Wuhan Woosey from Hell.

    Here’s a factor to dwell upon: All age groups are becoming hosts for the virus in equal measure. Evidence of this exposure and infection is primarily showing in people > 50 years of age. But the youth are still becoming infected and therefore carriers, but their illness symptoms are below the threshold of alarm or detection. Yet, they’re still becoming infected. And therefore are passing it on from child to child, teenager to teenager, millennial to millennial so much so that this disease will continue circulating in the background for EVER. By this time next year it will be just another flu variant we’ll have to put up with. And by then a vaccination will have been developed.

    But why wait? Let’s have a COVID-19 party now and let the lucky survive.

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. Yeah, the virus itself don’t scare me. Like you, I’m hardly ever sick. Like you say, in a year or so this will be nothing, but it is scary for a lot of folks right now. I’d like to not carry it and share it. Mrs C doesn’t have my immune system and I hate to see her sick. Her mom would get it even worse, because of her age and health.

      Pandemics will come, this wasn’t the first and will not be the last. The best thing to do, at the outset, is take maximum precaution. In end, however, the truth is that if the storm had waited another week the roads would have been clear and I’d be in Reno. I may know what the right thing to do is, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do the other thing at least half the time. 🤷

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  6. I’m with Annonymole, it’s like stupid crazy out there, and for those of us who are smart enough not to go out and panic buy anything, because seriously you can’t eat toilet paper, come the fucking on people. Anyway, if you lived through the swine and bird flue and SARS and west Nile, raise your hands. Wow, that’s a lot of people, okay so if you lived through all of these, you will survive this round of pandemic. The CDC, state and local health officials here have told us 1) it’s not airborne, so wearing a mask out in public will only make people like me think your (as my son said when he was 5) stupider. 2) it’s only contracted by person to person contact and 3) people under the age of 65, if infected have the same symptoms and longevity with it as a cold. But, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be careful. Personal hygiene is key here, washing your hands, and and, as the doctors I work with in the Dept of a Infectious Diseases said, your produce. Because if some asshole knuckle head is contagious and roaming the produce isles fondling the apples and oranges, then that’s how it will spread. Okay, getting of my soapbox Pastor Tom, and you are only Lucky Fuck!!!

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    1. Thank you, Huntress V! That’s good advice about the produce; I hadn’t even thought of that! I did think to wash my hands after punching in my PIN number at the gas pump this morning. We sure touch a lot of things in common around here!

      But to your other point, I have to differ. 6000 people who lived through SARS and Bird and Swine and West Nile have died already. By some CDC estimates a half a million more could follow. This thing has all the variables of one of those once in a century type bugs. Will it be? Probably not. Hope not. But the reason for all the caution is because of its potential, which is extreme. So, yeah, wash up. Use protection (ahem) so to speak.

      But, yeah, the toilet paper run is stupid. Get some hand soap. Be smart. Wash the produce.

      Get a fucking bidet. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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  7. Sorry your event got cancelled. Even we, in tiny Drumbo, had to cancel the Lion’s Club Casino night. I’ve been told to work from home for the next three weeks, and I can’t say I’m upset about not getting up at 5:45 every morning:-)

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    1. I wonder if all that is necessary. I also wonder if the Russians can really hack our elections or if the polar ice caps are really gonna melt. My thinking? Take every precaution.

      So stay home, sleep in. You’ll catch up. That’s what the coffee’s for. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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  8. “….disinfect regularly until tequila takes over. ” That’s pretty much my pandemic plan…..
    But I understand your change of heart. I don’t care how fucking lucky you are, there’s no use testing fate. Or your wife’s PTSD.

    Liked by 3 people

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  9. Life is for the living. And I, for one, will not shut down my world for fear of dying. And if the world chooses to shut down around me, then I will soak in the fresh air and brave the germs in solitude…washing my hands along the way, of course.

    Give love to the boys. And whatever you do and wherever you choose to do it, “enjoy the luck of it and enjoy the fuck out of it.”- there, my official anti-Covid-19 bumper sticker, that’s sure to go viral. 😉

    (*not meant to trivialize, just to dispel the death & gloom for a spell.)

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    1. Great sticker! 🤣

      The virus played a role, but the weather was the deciding factor, like I said. Mrs C was out as soon as the weather report said snow in the pass. She hates that. Roads clear? We would have gone to Reno. She was excited as f*ck at the beginning of the week, even ordered way too much shamrock stuff. 😉

      This virus thing looks real. I went to church this morning, and would have gone to Reno. But neither my town or that one is an outbreak site. If anyone out there is in an outbreak zone, for god’s sake stay home. I would. I ain’t worried about getting sick, or even dying, but I don’t want to carry it back.

      We’ve been through this before. But this one is different. Every single one is. Be safe, smart, and sensible. Think of others. This is real. How real? We’ll know in a couple of months. In the meantime, precautions.

      Love you, Brooke, and miss your words! ❤️

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      1. It’s as real as the all are and have been. I’m not dismissing the severity, but the media and social media feeds are creating mass hysteria on a scale that is wreaking havoc on our communities- at this rate fear is going to kill us off before the virus does. The last thing I want to do is spread it. But if we act responsibly, stay home if we don’t feel good (which might be imposed on us whether we do or not), be extra vigilant with our hygiene and have our sanitizer at the ready, I have a good feeling the human race will persevere.
        And for the love of humanity, have compassion for your fellow neighbors- who are actually out of toilet paper but don’t have the means to put fifty 20-pack rolls in their vehicles- please stop stalk-piling and hoarding food and basic necessities!! We are in this together, after all.
        I’ll leave you with the my favorite quote thus far that I think sums it all up perfectly:
        “We can be examples of calm in times of chaos, or we can contribute to hysteria…and just because we must limit physical touch, does not mean we limit compassion. Either way, we wash our hands.”
        – @jocelynsolomonyoga
        Sending you and your tribe a huge hug, dowsed in copious amount of sanitizer. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve gotten the word this weekend that I’ll be working from home for at least the next two weeks, which is surprising but somehow I’ll deal. While I’m with those who want to go ahead and get it–my own immune system, I think, is strong enough to handle it–I don’t want to risk passing it on to someone else who’s more vulnerable. And at this point we don’t know how likely that is and I know hindsight isn’t helpful but there is a lot that could have been done months ago to mitigate this.
    We’ll get through it, though–especially the Lucky Fucks.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Luck can change in an instant! So can health. Take every precaution, be sensible, and enjoy your staycation! And, yeah, a lot could have been done, but some leaders are more worried about their numbers than the health and welfare of their constituents. But anyone who was already paying attention knew that about our current boss a long time ago …

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