Well, the calendar thing says I haven’t expressed myself in cyberspace in eight days, which is one day more than that whole once-a-week thing I sometimes do, so I guess a few words are in order.
Words. They can be so amazing. As one idiot said recently, “I have the best words.”
The bottom of the page is counting my words as I type. Do you know I read once that the best blog entry is around 600 words long? Any longer than that and the audience attention starts to drift. You may have already drifted by now. Some of you drifted after the first comma.
Regardless, somehow, I’ve already typed 115 words.
The dentist told me yesterday that I’m not doing good enough. When a boss tells you that it’s frightening, when a wife tells you that it’s frustrating, but when a dentist tells you that it’s downright serious. More flossing. More brushing. The hygienist says to me “Are you a snacker?” Of course I’d lie if I said no, and we have enough lying in America from our president, so I said yes.
“Like, carrots and celery,” she said, “Or, like, chips?”
“Chps,” I said, cuz she had her fingers in my mouth and it was hard to get in a vowel. We both laughed.
“After snacking,” she finally said when we wiped the tears of laughter from our eyes, “swish some water around in your mouth and chew some sugarfree gum with xylitol to cut down bacteria.”
She also said to keep wooden toothpicks handy and that if she were a guy she’d snack all day on chips, too, so she didn’t blame me for that. Strange response, I thought, or maybe not.
At any rate, I’ve been looking for a reason to cut down on snacks so there’s my sign.
The boys are doing well:
Speaking of which, Moxie has some lumps and such, as old dogs do, so we took him in and had him thoroughly tested. Complete blood work, a couple of biopsies. Some $500 later we got the news: clean bill of health. Ten is the new seven, I said. He thought it was funny.
But they did tell us that he needs some dental work, which I guess is a Cummings theme right now, and that he’s too fat, though they may have said that in a more sensitive way. My doctor once told me that I could “stand to lose a few pounds,” and she was right. She also said “No one drinks 45 beers a week,” and she was wrong. 1 for 1 ain’t bad, though.
Speaking of records, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the Rams were 2-0. That means we’ve won two games and lost zero, for those of you not versed in football talk. We beat the Panthers in Carolina and the Saints in LA. That’s the Panthers from Carolina, by the way, and the Saints from New Orleans. And “LA” is short here for “Los Angeles,” not “Louisiana.” We play the Browns on Sunday night, which led to me canceling church on Sunday because there is no way I’m having beers with the congregation at 9:00 in the morning and remaining lucid all the way til kickoff in the evening. If you’re going to overindulge, my friends, you have to do so sensibly.
Well, that about sums it up. I hope you enjoyed this brief jaunt into my week-plus-one and that your lives are going exceedingly well and that your teeth are perfect. I gotta go.
The box at the bottom of the page tells me I’m already 20 words over an interesting blog. 😉